No cheating here: Angela Bassett's character in "Waiting to Exhale" isn't open to negotiations about infidelity. (20th Century Fox)
Story Created:
Aug 4, 2010 at 11:34 AM PST
Story Updated:
Aug 6, 2010 at 4:03 PM PST
Although they are both fictional, Bernadine Harris might need to give Holly Hill another seismic slap for all the sistas out there.
Harris is the scorned wife played by Angela Bassett in “Waiting to Exhale” who exacts a memorable hand to cheek revenge on the husband-stealing secretary.
But Holly Hill – the pen name of an Australian author and former mistress who has written a just published memoir – believes that men are born cheaters and women should negotiate infidelity with their partners.
“It’s better to walk the dog on a leash than let it escape through an unseen hole in the back fence,” cautions Hill.
“One of the main things that I have learned is that a woman that negotiates infidelity with her partner is far more powerful than a woman who is sitting home wondering why he’s late from the office Christmas party.”
Hill’s book, “Sugarbabe,” details a yearlong adventure with a series of so-called “sugar daddies,” which the author, who holds a psychology degree from the University of Southern Queensland, tells CNN it taught her some valuable lessons about what drives men to seek sex outside marriage.
The book has sold 24,000 copies in her homeland, according to the Australian publisher.
Finding herself in financial dire straits after her married boyfriend unexpectedly dumped her four years ago (he had persuaded her to quit her job and enjoy his financial support as part of “the mistress plan”), Hill decided to get creative about her employment options.
So the then 39-year-old posted an online ad announcing her search for a sugar daddy, someone who would pay her $1,000 a week in exchange for her company, cooking conversation, massages and, when they desired it, sex.
She says the ad attracted 11,000 responses, most of whom were wealthy married who sought her attention because they simply weren’t getting enough sex from their wives.
“Men need to get their rocks off,” says Hill. If a woman crosses her legs for any length of time and doesn’t arrange some sort of alternative for her man, he is going to cheat on her.”
But relationship writer and former ‘Tyra Banks Show’ contributor Lasana Smith, who pens the loveandlifeblog.com, strongly disagreed.
“I don’t know many Black women who would agree with negotiated infidelity, which is allowing your partner to go out there and cheat,” said Smith.
“That would go against everything the marriage stood for. I think the average Black person grows up Christian and the bible says thou shalt not covet thy neighbor’s wife. I mean when you made that vow forsaking all others, if it’s okay to go out and cheat with other people why get married in the first place.”
Smith also couldn’t resist a pop at Hill.
“Firstly, I think she was low-balling herself; [Hollywood] madams make about $5,000 a time selling sex and she’s available 24/7 providing conversation, massages and food for only a grand,” noted Smith.
“My first thought when I read the article is that she’s very cynical and hers is more an opinion than fact. I don’t see where she found some study or something that 80 percent of men cheat. She’s clearly attracted to the type of men who are not faithful to their partners, so from her experience all men are cheaters.”
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