Story Created:
Jan 29, 2009 at 5:58 PM PST
Story Updated:
Feb 3, 2009 at 6:49 PM PST
Dear Karen: One of my friends, more like a sister, has spent the last three years in an emotionally abusive relationship. Every time I see them together, her boyfriend is putting her down and even hits on girls in front of her. I know it’s not really my place to say anything, but watching her change into someone I don’t recognize is unbearable. I’ve discussed this issue with her family and friends, but no one wants to upset her by saying anything. She thinks this guy walks on water. How can I make her see she deserves so much more?
Brotherly Concern
Dear Brotherly: Thank goodness brothers like you still care enough to be concerned! I’m assuming this may be a first serious relationship for your friend, and in that case, she may be blind to the obvious. In situations like this, when you really have a genuine concern for her emotional well being, I think you have to bite the bullet and risk angering her. The important thing would be to talk to her away from everyone else. The thought of everyone ganging up on her may be overwhelming and so intimidating she won’t listen at all, and simply be hurt by the apparent intrusion. Maybe take her out to eat, but warn her you have something you want to discuss with her. Then, just be honest. Don’t berate the boyfriend as much as championing your “sister” and how you’re concerned that she’s not happy and becoming someone you “don’t recognize.” Get your facts straight, in case she questions why you think this. Above all, let her know you’re there for her and you only want the best for her because she deserves the best. She may not be feeling that good about herself these days. If she gets upset with you, and you’re truly friends, it won’t last. Deep down inside, if you talk to her calmly, she’ll listen. Don’t expect miracles, just put it out there.
In case you’re wondering…
Don’t you dare be afraid to let a friend know you have serious concerns about their life choices.
Have a question for Karen? E-mail her at talktome@wavepublication.com.
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