Dear Karen: My birthday was last week and my friends decided to celebrate. It was a significant birthday so they planned a whole weekend of activities, starting with dinner at my girlfriend’s and ending with a weekend in Las Vegas. Usually I’m the one who plans these group adventures, so I was thrilled that they were planning this for me.

The problem is, I felt like I’d entered the twilight zone. I don’t want to be unappreciative, and I need you to tell me I’m not overreacting. I arrived home from work on my birthday, and waited for my brother to take me to the dinner. He was late, so I called and said we’d be late. When we got there, about 45 minutes after the assigned time, everyone had already eaten and told me they thought maybe I wasn’t hungry because I probably had birthday lunch at the office.

I was shocked that they hadn’t waited for me. Couldn’t they have had drinks and appetizers until I got there? The next day we drove to Las Vegas as a group. We left three hours after the agreed time because one person didn’t want to get up early and the driver had a blowout fight with her boyfriend.

I sat and waited, didn’t say a thing. We had a drama-free, fun trip until it was time to go home. One of our friends announced she had to be home by 2 p.m. the next day to celebrate Easter with her family. It was 4 a.m. when she told us, and there was no way we could get on the road by 8 a.m.

Everyone started getting upset and telling her she shouldn’t have waited until the last minute to tell us since the plan was to stay in Vegas through brunch and leisurely drive home. Now everyone is upset and I’m afraid we’ll never take a group trip again. Please give us some guidance on this one.

Birthday Bummer

Dear Birthday: You should be appreciative, but maybe it’s time to be realistic about your circle of friends. Start by making sure you thank each and every person who participated. It can be a simple e-mail or a handwritten note. Now that you’ve done your part, and they know their efforts were not taken for granted, it’s time to have a reality check.

I suspect you were hoping these buddies would plan a celebration with the same attention to detail that you would have planned theirs. That’s the first mistake. Everyone doesn’t know how to entertain, even if his or her hearts are in the right place. Of course they should have waited for you for your birthday dinner, but they didn’t, so get over it. That doesn’t mean you have to forget and rely on them to plan another dinner for you, but it’s done, and there’s nothing you can do about it.

As for your friends, they need to remember that birthday celebrations are about the honoree, and what would make them happy. And your friend who “forgot” to mention her need to be home by a certain time, should have told everyone long before you left, and made alternate arrangements to get home if her plans didn’t meld with everyone else’s. If you’re old enough to go to Las Vegas, you’re old enough to be considerate of others.

I would imagine the ride home was uncomfortable if everyone wasn’t happy about leaving earlier than planned. Hopefully the Easter girl didn’t pout the entire way home, and if she did, someone told her to stop. Everyone is a bit edgy these days between the economy, relationship issues, job situations, etc. Don’t let friendships suffer as a result. Deal with unnecessary drama head-on, and then let it go. No yelling, no blame, just remember to treat each other with respect.

Dear Karen: I know you’ve spoken on gum chewing before, but please remind people one more time! I sat in church, on Easter, and watched the parents of a child being christened chomp on gum throughout the ceremony. Not only were they chewing with their mouths open, but they didn’t even stop for the picture taking. Maybe they will listen to you.

Aghast in Church

Dear Aghast: It’s making me scratch just thinking of the idea of chewing gum during such a significant ceremony, or in church at all! There is nothing to say other than no one should be chewing gum in church, at school, in the workplace or at any significant event. In a perfect world, I’d outlaw gum in public entirely. I don’t buy the “my breath is bad, I’m nervous” excuses, so don’t even try it!

In case you’re wondering…

Do celebrate significant birthdays with friends and family

Don’t you dare believe anyone thinks it’s cute to chew gum incessantly.

Have a question for Karen? E-mail her at talktome@wavepublication.com.