Dear Karen: My grandson, who lives with me, spends what seems like every waking hour on his cell phone. It doesn’t matter if we’re having dinner, or he’s supposed to be doing homework, he text-messages to his friends at all times. The other day we went to my friend’s house for dinner and all of a sudden he pulled out his phone and began texting someone right there at the table.

When I looked at him in disbelief, he simply got up from the table and went into another room. I couldn’t wait to get outside to tell him how rude he’d been and that he would not be texting anyone at the table ever again. He ranted and told me I was just old and out of touch, that all kids do it and there’s nothing wrong with it. Tell me — am I out of touch?

Grandmother Who’s Trying

Dear Grandmother: Texting at the table, or when others are talking, has joined gum-chewing on my all-time pet peeve list. No, you are not out of touch, because there is no age limit or generational gap when it comes to old-fashioned manners. I don’t know how old your grandson is, but there is never a time when he should be talking back to you in that manner. Dinner, or whenever you’re with other people and it’s a time for conversation, is not a time for cell phones at all. Telephone calls can wait, text messages can wait, and young people need to respect the people around them and the occasion.

Dinner time spent together is a time to talk about your day, and share with each other. When someone texts or answers a cell phone call, it’s as if someone else is at the table, but only visible and heard by the offending cell phone user. And I wish I’d even thought about being a guest in someone’s home and getting up from their table to venture into another room without permission. No, you’re on the right track. Set some ground rules for meal times, or whenever you’d like time to speak with your grandson. No cell phones and no texting. If your grandson cannot respect your rules, and your wishes, maybe he doesn’t need to have cell phone privileges at all.

Dear Karen: My daughter is graduating from middle school and has asked for a designer handbag that we cannot afford. I am certainly proud of her, she gets really good grades and has been accepted at a wonderful high school, but we simply don’t have the money. In fact, we had to borrow money for her to attend a special summer program for gifted students.

She thinks because she is a good student we should reward her with whatever she wants. How do I break the news to her without dampening her efforts? She thinks the two are connected because she has friends whose parents pay them for good grades. We’re not about to pay for grades, but would like to reward her for her accomplishments. The other problem is, she’s the oldest and we don’t want to set a precedent for the other children. Do you think we should borrow money for the handbag?

Mom in Doubt

Dear Mom: Whoa, let’s first start with being middle school age and thinking you can have a designer handbag! I think there are a couple of issues here. Now is the time to reinforce the concept that none of us have any entitlement based on what goes on in someone else’s home. Just because another family bribes their children with gifts for grades, is no reason for your children to expect the same.

Also, if you don’t believe in paying for grades, then that’s the deal. Given the economy, I think your daughter should understand your financial limitations. That’s not to mean you won’t celebrate her accomplishments, just do it within your means. I think a designer handbag for a young girl sends the wrong message, and should be reserved for later. Be creative, plan something for her to show how proud you are, but not in competition with anyone else. Be honest and explain the financial issues as well as your feelings about education. Remember, these are all good lessons for your children to learn now.

In case you’re wondering…

Do something special when your children do well in school

Don’t you dare even think about disobeying your grandmother when she asks you to stop “texting” at the dinner table.

Have a question for Karen? E-mail her at talktome@wavepublication.com.